On a recent trip abroad, my 9-year-old son asked me if I was successful. After pondering the question for a minute, I asked him what he meant by ‘successful.’
We had just left the house of a friend of mine who had done very well financially in the traditional 5 am rise, commute, home by 7-8 pm plus work trip, type career.
I asked my son if he thought my friend was successful. He said, “Yes, daddy, he has lots of money.”
My reply to him was this, “Yes, he does, much more than us, but he can’t take a month off work to travel to different countries with his kids like I can. Success comes in many guises.”
The pursuit of success was the topic of a recent podcast I did with Carlos Hidalgo, author of “The Un-American Dream: Finding Personal and Professional Happiness Establishing Work-Life Boundaries.
Here are my reflections on our conversation.
The American Dream, coined by James Trusslow Adams in 1931, represents a land of opportunity where individuals have the chance to achieve their goals. Material possessions do not solely measure it but by the opportunity to succeed and fulfill one’s potential. However, when we examine our current lives and the sacrifices we make in pursuit of success, it becomes clear that we have strayed from the true meaning of the American Dream.
The Illusion of Sacrifice
Many of us buy into the idea that sacrificing our time, relationships, and well-being is necessary for success. More than Europeans, Americans believe that working long hours and constantly being busy is a sign of importance and value. However, this belief is a fallacy. The amount of time we spend on a task does not determine its value. Instead, it is the quality of our work and the impact we make that truly matters. Hopefully, we can contain the ‘must work harder’ ethos to North America and save the rest of the world from jumping on the hamster wheel.
Chasing success should not come at the expense of our relationships and personal well-being. I see so many of us sacrificing time with our families, neglecting our health, and compromising our values, which is not the path to true fulfillment. We must redefine our priorities and create boundaries that allow us to excel in all areas of our lives.
Redefining Work-Life Balance
Instead of striving for work-life balance, we should focus on harmoniously integrating all aspects of our lives. I once met a billionaire who said there is no such thing as a ‘work-life balance.’ I didn’t truly understand what she meant until I realized that there is just life.
The concept of work-life balance implies that work and life are separate entities that need to be balanced against each other. However, this separation is artificial. Our lives have multiple dimensions, including work, family, health, and personal growth. Rather than viewing work as a separate entity, we should see it as a part of our overall life experience.
One way of doing this is by defining our core values and priorities. This allows us to establish boundaries that align with our desired lifestyle. For example, I will leave my family for certain jobs that I believe lead to the good of humanity, but I won’t do it for things that I think are a net negative for humanity. To put that in context, I will take time away to teach my course, The Scoliosis Correction Protocol, but won’t take time away just to sit around and consume food and drink…I recently turned down a transatlantic cruise for this reason.
We should strive to bring the best of ourselves to all areas of our lives, including work, relationships, and personal well-being. This requires open and honest communication with our loved ones, as well as a willingness to listen and adapt to their needs.
The Impact of Parenting on Work-Life Balance
One of the reasons why many individuals struggle with work-life balance is the way we have been raised. As parents, we often shield our children from discomfort and failure, believing that it is our responsibility to make their lives as comfortable as possible. However, by doing so, we are depriving them of the opportunity to learn and grow from their own experiences. Carlos illustrates this perfectly in the interview by explaining how his wife, who was left with the children most of the time while Carlos was ‘globe-trotting,’ allowed her kids to fail.
It is important to let our children face challenges and make decisions within a supportive environment. By allowing them to experience failure and its consequences, we are preparing them for the realities of life. This same principle applies to our own lives. We must be willing to face discomfort, failure, and uncertainty in order to grow and find true fulfillment. My personal observation here is that the smaller families we tend to have, the more ‘cotton wool’ we use to protect our children. The answer here isn’t larger families so the kids get less of our time as parents but more allowing our kids to fail, but fail forward.
For those who find themselves trapped in pursuing success and sacrificing their well-being and relationships, it is time to make a change. Here are some steps to help you embark on the journey to authentic success:
Remember, true success lies in living a life that aligns with your values, brings you joy, and allows you to thrive in all areas of your life. It is never too late to make a change and create a life that reflects your true desires and aspirations. Embrace the journey and find fulfillment in pursuing your own authentic version of the “American Dream.”
For more insights and inspiration on achieving work-life balance and living a fulfilling life, I encourage you to read Carlos Hidalgo’s book, “The Un-American Dream.”
Watch our conversation on my YouTube channel
Or listen to my podcast with Carlos.
He offers valuable perspectives and practical advice for finding true success in your personal and professional life.
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